Refracted doubt

Dusty fields dry and dead
I thirst for you but I continue to go unfed
I try to hear Your voice but I wonder if I want to listen
I want to stop this fight and every time I look into my heart I am sure
I search through the broken thoughts and confused logic of a prideful fool
I feel deprived and the heart of flesh is petrifying back to the dense stone it was before
Blood made me whole and now blood drips from me so I pray Lord I can bleed out this pain
I know You have sanctified me and gave me life but why can’t you give me peace one more time Lord?
The eyes of the hopeful look too me as some the false archetype they cry for perfection and all I can offer is disappointment.
Every burden of the afflicted I tie around my neck, and now they weigh on me like a millstone around my neck and I hear the sea calling my name to just dive in to oblivion on last time.
While sinking to through the dark depths of the endless ocean I wonder why I am letting myself sink.
Light can no longer penetrate through the black I am alone life leaves me death claims me, but I cannot forgot how the light shined.