Sunday, June 10, 2012

Still dying...still hoping

When death comes he is not gentle. He is ravenous, heartless, and vindictive. When dissension comes he is not kind. He is ugly, spiteful, and destructive. He is a liar and is tormenting me I am so low and so weak and so confused and so tired. Oblivion calls me to its waters, they are dark and they are cold but while i dip my toes the numbness seems to be the only salve for this pain. Where i put my hand to plow is rocky soil and i grow tried off reaping a harvest of dust and chaff, there is no substance here. I am tired of being crushed and ignored and being made to feel worthless. Please let me sleep let me rest let me run let me escape I am starting to believe him because of her. I am not strong anymore. I know there is hope but I am too weak now. Liars make oblivion look beautiful and sweet and gentle, she whispers in my ear "If you just make rest in these dark depths you will be released from this prison" so Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” But all I have left is my integrity and my God i will not give that up. I will give you everything else my love but not that, so when I die it will be my Lord's hand and not because I gave in to the Liar. Please give me grace Lord Jesus let my lay at your feet and let you fill my cup and give me the portion I need, your grace is always sufficient even now.You guide me with your counsel,and afterward you will receive me to glory.Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

2 comments:

Kenneth Alexander said...

Glad to see that you haven't started favoring the ghost ;)

I miss you man, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. And sometimes my dreams ;)

Kenneth Alexander said...

Just realized how long ago this was posted. I'm a huge dork.